Brushing On My Testimony/ Refelction Time

I really dont know if anyone, other than me, will ever read this blog. If they dont, thats fine, because it honestly helps me collect my thoughts, put my figuritve "ducks" in a row, and equally important: it helps me reflect. Someday I will write my entire testimony out, in its entirety. I think that there is something special in each individuals path to the Saviour. Mine is a long and winding path on a journey that is far from over.

I was born into a Christian home, praise God. My dad is a deacon and my mom has always been active in teaching Sunday School and function in every way possible. I think they are where I get my servants heart. I want to be as active as I can possibly be in the ministry of the Church. I want to reach out to those who are afflicted, offer anything I can. I want to be that proverbial "Cup of Cold Water". I havent always held onto this conviction, however. It is very important, however fundamental and simplistic as this may sound to some, to understand that being born to Christian heritage does not guarantee anyone Salvation. This is a concept that I have never struggled with, Ive understood this since I was a small child. Understanding and practicing are two seperate matters however. When I was a boy, I think I was 4, I walked down the aisle and gave the preacher every answer he wanted to hear. I knew the answers in my head, even as child. I did miss the most important thing though, and that is the personal connection with Jesus Christ. I was 4 years old, completely missed the boat, and was lost. I knew that I was lost throughout my childhood but was afraid to act. My dad was a deacon, my mom a faithful servant, I even started working part time at the church when I turned 16. I lived a lie. I was afraid of what might happen and what people might think if they found out that I, a church employee and key member of the youth group, had been living this lie for so long. I kept it in for far too long and slowly started to destruct. I never went out and did anything crazy, thats not really in my nature. I did live seperated from God and it killed me inside. On April 23rd of 2004 I finally reached my breaking point. I broke down before the Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour. A weight was lifted off of my heart, it was truly the most amazing day of my life. My life since that point has been full of ups and downs but the Lord remains faithful. I have done things, even since my Salvation, that I truly regret and am very sorry for. Im clearly not a perfect person, none of us are, but our Saviour is. I am sorry for the sins I have commited and have been forgiven in full. There are still people that, one day, I need to ask personal forgiveness from. That will come with time.

It sounds cliche' but I have learned so much through my mistakes and failures. I think there is much to be learned through our successes, but I think our failures and how we deal with them shape who we are and who we become. I am pressing on, my head held high, past my low points and into a new day.